Sometimes, life throws some pretty fun, crazy, scary curveballs at you. Liiiiike a pregnancy when you think you are completely done with babies. We've always wanted more children, but after Stetson's crazy birth, we took a step back and knew that having another child wouldn't happen on our watch. So over the years we've settled with being done.
Stetson has gotten older, and we both kinda got to a point of being ok with being done. Our littlest had turned 5.. and thats a big age, like baby-no-more age. Baby fever would come and go for me, but like I said, we could never commit trying to have another baby as we both felt it would be safest to not put me in the position I was in during my pregnancy with Stetson.
The older the kids have gotten, the more they were asking…. begging for a baby brother or sister. Not having the heart to straight up tell them NO, we would always just tell them to pray about it. This became a daily conversation with them. One day I had an ah-ha moment and thought you know what… you should practice what you preach…. Obviously this happened during a "baby fever" moment. So, I began to pray about it. The Lord knew the desires of my heart, but He also knew the fears I had about being pregnant. He knew it all… but still I prayed. My heart was really leaning toward adoption. Thats what I thought the answer would be to mine (and my children's) prayer.
Fast forward a couple months and I am having a jacked up cycle… which is not common for me. I called my Dr to see what I should do and it boils down to it most likely being the effects of a steroid shot I had gotten a couple months prior, but she still wanted to see me. Finally, a couple weeks later, the day of my appointment, completely fed up and annoyed because now my cycle wasn't coming at all…… she walks into the room and says "so I did a pregnancy test and it was positive……..."
Y'all!!! What OB/GYN walks into a room and jokes about this. Well, I was convinced it was a joke. I asked her about 12 times if she was serious… I was waiting for something. She HAD to be lying. Theres just no way it was even possible!!!!!!! I even walked out of there completely in denial. I had convinced myself that they had mixed up my urine sample with someone else's. To say that I do NOT remember much about that appointment would be an understatement. I had a 30 minute drive home to digest this news I had been given, and figure out how on earth I would tell Nat about this.
I walked in the door, and as Nat describes me, apparently I was "glowing" or as I felt… freaking out, he asked me what was going on. My response- "do you think you can build us a bigger house in 9 months?????"
It took a couple of appointments, and 2 different ultrasound to actually finally see the teeny tiny little dot on the screen to finally believe this was real.
This was my It really is real picture I sent to Nat after finally seeing that little bean on a screen. ;)
We found out at 5 weeks… which made for a rather long 1st trimester, and wouldn't you know that that tiny little being would kick my ever lovin' butt for the next 5 weeks. I laid in bed. A lot. I ate crackers. I had a bowl at my side. I was never far from a bathroom. My sweet little family was mother-less and wife-less. For someone who had no ounce of anything from the first 3 pregnancies, this pregnancy has been quite a bit different in a lot of ways. The "morning sickness" (who decided it was only in the mornings?!?) has subsided, BUT my hormones are a raging! Simply put, I've felt a little psychotic at times. HA! Fortunately, every day is a new day, and I'm definitely livin day by day with my feelings.
Here I am at 16 weeks, so very close to being halfway done and I am so in denial at how fast this is flying by! I'm ever so grateful to get to experience all this again. I'm learning to stop and enjoy this time, cuz just as time got me here and my 7, 6 and 5 year old sleep in their beds, I know that soon I will have a newborn baby sleeping next to me.
We have since settled into a new house. We decided building really wasn't an option anymore, just as staying in a 700 sq ft house wasn't an option either. After lots of careful prayer, we decided our best bet would be to have a house moved in and put in the place where we planned to build. Just as our path has been directed through all these big changes we've experienced this year, The Lord brought us the perfect house. Isn't it sweet to know that you're livin' in the Lords plans?? I love it, and I am so thankful for the feelings of peace in our life. Peace with Nat's new job, peace with a new baby, peace living where we do, in the home we do. Life is sweet, I may not have said that a few months ago, but I'm thankful for where we are at as we wrap up 2015.
