The Dawn

 I sent my 13 year old to 7th grade, my 12 year old to 5th grade, my 11 year old to 4th grade, and my 4 year old to pre-k4. After 13 years of being a stay at home mom, It was my first year of freedom. It was a lovely school year. I took naps, sat down and watched TV, and got my house in tip top shape every.single. day. 

As magical as it was. There was something lacking for me. I spent the better part of the year mourning the passing of time that took my babies into toddlers, my toddlers into pre-schoolers, my preschoolers into school agers, and my school agers into teenagers. 

Really, I was sad. 

I spent many hours in prayer, begging God to help me find my place now. Suddenly stripped of the stage of being heavily needed by a small babe, I found myself searching for my place again. I was very comfortable nursing a baby, changing a diaper, and honestly, just being drained by small children. 

I felt alone. 

I made it through the school year, and as much as I enjoyed the quiet, I needed the loud that summer would bring.

We had an unforgettable summer. Camping, traveling, swimming, kayaking, and then repeat. 

As soon as it was over, I cringed as I bought school supplies for my soon to be 8th grader, 6th grader, 5th grader, and Kindergartener. 

I didn't want our summer to end.

Ironically, (God) earlier in the year, I started to read a book about homeschooling. and I quickly put the book down because it made me mad. Mad in the sense that it tugged on me and I didn't want it to. 

Excuse my human self. But don't try and make me do something that I don't wanna do, Ok??

Can I homeschool such a wide range of children?

No

Should I homeschool such a wide range of children. 

No

Will I homeschool such a wide range of children

Also, No

But, after lots of tugging from our second born, we dug deeper into this idea. We prayed. We talked. We invited our children in 1 by 1 to have a very deep conversation about what it would mean; and suddenly my heart began to soften. God began to open my eyes to what I was capable of. God reminded me that He wouldn't ask me to do this, and then leave me. 

Two days before school, I found myself un-enrolling my 4 without a plan in sight other than:

WE'RE DOING THIS