When Madelynn was probably a month or so. I really wanted another baby. Yes... I know thats crazy and absurd, but its true. We had absolutely no intentions of trying to have another one any time soon but deep down inside, I wouldn't have minded having another one so soon. When someone asked me when we were gonna try for another one, or if we wanted another one I would say that I wouldn't mind getting pregnant right now... and they would look at me like I was insane. My pregnancy with Madelynn and her birth was all a wonderful experience and I wanted to experience it all again soon.... and I did just that! Just about as soon as possible. My pregnancy with Payton and the recovery after the c-section was horrible. Just plain horrible! Well... all but the sweet little girl that came from all of it at the end. Anyways... so I was kinda glad that I wouldn't get like I did with Madelynn and want another one so soon. But today, I got that feeling again. WHAT IS MY PROBLEM???? Like seeing a pregnant woman makes me want another baby terribly. HELLO??? you have an 8 week old laying right here beside you and you want another one?!?!? Ugh... seriously. Has anyone else ever had this problem?? or am I on my own here. Not that I am not satisfied with the two beautiful children that God has given to me but I just want more.
I often (yall are gonna think Im dumb but....) like check myself and ask myself... ok self, you dont want another baby right?? and I look at pictures of the girls' birth and make sure I dont get "that feeling" that I got so often when Madelynn was so young. Or I watch A baby story or a show about babies and make sure I dont REALLY want another one.
Wow... if you didn't know better (I hope you do anyways...) you might think that I was a psycho lady and you might suggest that I get some help. I promise.. Im not psycho. I have heard before that some women do struggle with this...
Anyways... Just to assure everyone, I am on birth control and Yes, I know that I need to give my body a break and no, Im not pregnant. If i get pregnant any time soon, it will 100% be an act of God and not MY fault. :) So far, we have had 1 act of God and 1 birth control baby. Hopin that we can catch a break cuz no matter how much I want one, I know that thats just what we need, a break from being pregnant. In the 2 years that we have been married, I have only not been pregnant 6 months.
I dont want to experience this any time soon.
I dont want another baby any time soon.
I dont want this.
No.
and repeat...
Oh Mara, you crack me up. I know that I have not yet been blessed with children, but I too have those moments. I walk down the baby aisle at Wal-Mart every chance I get (when Karl is not with me), I see babies everywhere and just want one so bad, and working with 19 6 year olds doesn't help either. Maybe we can plan to get prego together . . . in 4 years. :) I feel for you sister.
ReplyDeletesounds like a great plan to me girls
ReplyDelete