Me...

In a nut shell: quiet, shy, introvert. Been that way since I can remember... and if you have ever been around me for more than 2 seconds, you can probably attest to this!! I remember the first time that I discovered I was so quiet and shy, I was in the 6th grade, we had been visiting around to some churches (we had recently moved to San Angelo) and we visited Paulann and my parents tortured me to go to Sunday School (not really.) So we went and we continued to go for many months, and eventually joined the church. These 3 really annoying girls (lol) would not stop trying to talk to me and befriend me until one day, I decided to give them a try. Little did I know that I made 3 of the best friends a girl could have.. and 2 of them happened to be homeschooled along with me. Years down the road, we were having a sleepover and they proceeded to tell me how they thought I was (literally... not even kidding) a mute! They thought I couldn't talk... for many months they thought this. They told me how our (then) SS teacher would push them and push them to talk to me and befriend me and they would tell her they tried and tried every week... but I just wouldn't give in to them. How ridiculous is that?? That is me, and that story has stuck with me ever since Jr. high.

Lord knows how I ever got a boyfriend... or even got married seeing as I never talked. Its a good thing that opposites attract cuz I had to have a talker to reel me in... and boy can he talk!

Anyways... Since I have been married and had kids, I lost a lot of friends. The only good friend I have is my SIL... and I am so thankful for her friendship!!!! Recently, I was invited to 2 social things. A group of just moms that get together and talk about mom stuff, and a book club. Ok... A- It is pure torture to associate with people I don't know. B- I cant talk in crowds.. especially if its people I dont know. C- If I am forced to talk, I turn beet red, began to sweat, my voice gets shaky, I get extremely nervous and feel like I am going to vomit. My stomach turns inside out and does back flips. I am making none of this up... it is honestly what happens and its haunted me my whole life. It is just a part of being (severely) shy. I pray every day that none of my children are as shy as I am.... and D- my husband, who is my voice, my security, the one who makes me feel ok with the way I am because he talks enough for the both of us was NOT invited. That is scary to me!! To be without him. So... I really thought long and hard about if I should go to these 2 social things and I decided that yes, regardless of what people will think of me, regardless of how torturous it is to be with people I dont know, I needed to go, get away from the kids and enjoy some time for myself and get to know people. Little did I know that I would thoroughly enjoy the time with other ladies who I have a lot in common with. I may not talk much, and people probably think that I don't even know how to talk. I honestly just love to sit and listen to people talk.. and thats what I do. If those people only knew how much their words were an encouragement to me.

I hope and pray that I can get to a point that I can talk and not be scared. For now, the first step is going out, by myself, to things like this... and I DID IT!! People have no earthly idea how hard it is to make that first step.. I am so proud of myself for just going and sitting with other ladies that I don't know. Other people can think what they want about me and how quiet I am... but if they only knew honestly what was going on inside me, they would be so very proud to.

***May this day go down in history, I said something nice and uplifting about myself. My dear husband would be so proud.