Pain.

If you have kids, I am sure that you have experienced this kinda pain. Pain where your baby is hurting, and you can't fix it, all you can do is sit back and watch. Like when my girls get shots, I feel this pain, or when we were in the hospital with Payton and we had to sit and watch them stick her with an IV ten million times, or watch them put a catheter in her teeny, small little body. Personally, when I have to watch these things I wanna punch someone in the face. My blood boils, my heart pounds a little faster... and I'm sure my face gets a little red. Ever felt that way??

No one tells you when you give that sweet, precious, perfect little angel a pacifier when she is 3 days old that you would one day have to rip it from her inner beings and break her ever lovin heart into 14 billion pieces, and that you would hurt more than anything in this world watching your baby cry for her paci... and that it would be harder for you to take it away than it would be for her to adjust to a life with no soothie.

It has really been on my mind and heart that it was about time to take 'em away. Madelynn is EXTREMELY addicted to them, un-healthily I must say. My goal on a day to day basis is paci at nap and bed time... some days we can make it ... and other days are paci days.

I just woke up with this crazy feeling that today was the day to do it. My initial goal to take them away has been 2... but were not to terribly far from that (just trying to justify this). So I did some looking around online... looking for tips, stories, help as to how to go through the process. Probably was a mistake. Some moms think they should have 'em till they're 4, some moms take them away before they have the chance to become addicted to them... and some moms, like me, are worried about teeth, speech and a not to excited at the thought of their 4 year old walking around with a paci in her mouth. So as I read the many (some horror) stories and some (sickening) strategies like dipping the paci in hot sauce... sorry but that is plain 'ol MEAN.. and I am not going that route. I found myself having mixed feelings about doing this, or not doing this... and I found my heart breaking at the thought of it. (yes, I know that I am so absolutely ridiculous.. dont judge.)

I did it.... and I cried. (I know, I know... even more ridiculous) I just picked her up, told her we were gonna be done with paci's and that she was a big girl now and we were going to put the paci's up for her new baby brother or sister and one by one, we filled a baggie full of paci's and put them away... and she cried... and that was the hardest thing I have ever done. Part of me wanted to say.. Here, take them. Take them all and hide them in your bed, you can have them forever... and the other part of me had to stay strong and fight back the tears and not give in. Then nap time came, oh my did nap time come and once again... I had to decide which way to go, give in or not give in. I didn't, and she (eventually) fell asleep. She made it through the whole day wonderfully without even asking for it. Then bed time came... and that feeling of weakness came back.. but I stayed strong and she cried for about 5 minutes and fell asleep. RELIEF!!!

We'll see how the night goes. If you would, seriously, pray for us!! This is hard... and I know that this is only a teeny tiny bump in the road compared to what we'll face raising this girl.

This makes so happy and so thankful that Payton doesn't take a paci! Oh lord... but I can only imagine what it will be like weaning the bottle from that girl... We got a few months till that has to happen.