Its gonna be one of those things inside of me thats dying to be "written." Sometimes you just need to write stuff out, even if its not for someone. SO that being said....
Through this whole move/job transition I've been on the bandwagon... knowing that this is an answered prayer by many, and this is what we have to do for our children to have the best life we could give them. Its been hard at times, but for the most part, I've been pretty positive about it. This week has found me at a whole new level. One I've never been to. Wondering WHY were here. Other than this wonderful, perfect house we have, I pretty much highly dislike this place. I miss my family. I miss my in-laws. I look back now and just ask myself WHY I didn't spend more time with them when they were right there.. right in the same town as us! WHY? I miss the sleepovers the girls had with their nana and pawpaw every week. I miss my kids getting to spend time with their cousins. I miss the company of having people we love around. I miss the few friends we had. I miss the help I had from the 2 greatest moms/grandma's a girl could ask for. I miss going to my sisters sporting events. I miss Aunt Fiz loving on the kids with all the care in the world for them. I miss the "mom" talks with Kinsey. I miss Karl and Crystal and how they love our kids. I miss getting a break from my kids and that sweet, special moment of getting to see them again. I miss date nights with my honey that gave us that "couple time" that we all need. Kids take up all of you and don't leave much time for momma and daddy... not saying thats a bad thing... just the facts of life. I miss being able to call up one of our moms and having a babysitter on the spot. No matter the time.
There's nothing here. Nothing fun to do. Date night is non-existent... because babysitters are non existent. No where to go shopping "just for fun." No friends to go hang out with and have fun with. I hate the dirt, the dust everywhere ALL the time. I hate that our life is dictated by the stupid wind every single day. Moving to a small town, you don't exactly "Fit in" if you haven't lived here your whole life. I guess I'm realizing that things aren't like I thought they were gonna be. I foresaw us getting involved in a church. Making friends and loving this time of our life. Nope... If Nat isn't out working late on Saturday night, then he's too tired and exhausted from the work week to get up and go to church. Do I hate that? You bet! Do I wish I had the courage and guts to take my 3 kids and go to church alone when my husband can't?? Yep!
Bottom line... I dislike this place, I'm being a negative nellie, I'm sad, Nat's pretty much been working 2 days straight, leaving me home by myself to ponder life all on my own. I miss my old life.... can't i just pick up this house and move it to San Angelo?? Either that, or someone down there needs to move and save me!
Pray for me would ya??
absolutely will pray with you and for you!
ReplyDeletemy prayer is that God will turn your mourning into dancing! That His joy will abound in your heart to overflowing.
Psalm 30:11 (NAS) You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness