Joy

Do you ever feel like something is repeatedly being brought up to you, and then you have a light bulb moment that its a little somethin' somethin' that you need to pay attention to??

Joy is that for me right now.
Joy from the left.
Joy from the right.
I get it.....

Confession time: If you were to look up melancholy in the dictionary, my face would be smack dab right next to it... 

the very opposite of joy = me
The legit definition: a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause. 
🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️

Back in the olden days, I remember taking personality tests and I always leaned ridiculously towards melancholy. 

And that's it.

No little tiny bit mixed with another, more enjoyable personality. 

Just melancholy.

On top of that, guess what my name means. 

Bitter.
(I forgive you, my parents.👏)

I have it comin at me from all directions and joy does NOT come easy to me. Sadness, depression, and pity come very easy to me tho. Matter of fact, I often find myself enjoying the game of melancholy… (I had to get that confession out early on in marriage so we didn't kill each other.🤗)

Have you guys figured out yet that my sweet, darling, angel husband is an always happy, annoyingly positive, joyful 24/7, kinda guy?? 
(Yes.... This is at the very top of the list of Why Nat and Mara are meant for each other.)

As we've grown to know each other better over the years, he has learned how to help me through these things. Most days, he spends 26 hours of his day making sure that I am okay, that I am happy, that I am taken care of. 

Its a(nother) full time job. 

(God bless him a little extra cuz... me)

But guess what? 

Its not his place to keep my happy, and its not my place to find my joy through him. Its so easy to do this as we have a physical being right here with us that we have such a deep connection with, someone that we can see, touch, audibly hear, and experience life with side by side. I am here to humbly tell you that 

I still ain't got this down. 

IT.IS.A.STRUGGLE.

The joy that he gives me goes away when he makes me mad. It goes away when my day is overwhelming. It goes away when I PMS (real life, yo)

The same goes for the joy my 4 little loves bring me.

The joy I get when I go sit outside with my chickens and enjoy fresh air.

The joy I get when I see my kids succeeding at life. 

Did God create all of these things specifically for us to have joy in our lives, yes, I 100% believe so.  Did God create my husband specifically with me in mind, to be used as a vessel though Him to help me on my hard days?

 You bet. 

BUT! 

we must do this right.

If you have to ask forgiveness 57 times a week for seeking joy in other things, THEN DO IT.

 If you have to lock yourself in the bathroom while kids run amuck to get yourself right, 

THEN DO IT. 

If you have to physically tell your husband, I love you more than anything, but I love my Creator more, and I find my joy in him, 

THEN DO IT.

Its my job to make sure that I don't find my true Joy in these physical things. But that I first find that in Christ, and my relationship with him. HE created me. HE gives me life. HE wakes me up every morning. HE provides for us. HE places the stars in the sky each night, and makes the sun to come up every morning.  HE does all good things for His pleasure. 
If we don't have true, deep, intense joy that comes from Christ, it so quickly will fade away.

Y 'all… I tried to paint the unpretty picture of myself at the very beginning so you can get the idea that when I say I aint got this down, I'm not even kidding. Like, I should not be here telling you how to find joy. 

What I am doing is encouraging you to come along side me in finding this Joy. 

True, deep, inner joy that cant be provided by a physical being, 

JOY that cant taken away. 

                                                                   Psalm 16:11

You make known to me the path of life;

 you fill me with joy in your presence, 

with eternal pleasures at your right hand.