I have a confession....

There is another man in my life and I am desperately in love with him!!!!!!!

He is little... weighs about 5 pounds.

He has dark hair and is oh so handsome.

Know who I'm talkin about????

I'll admit it, I really wanted to have another girl this time around. Simply because they were all gonna be so close in age that I thought it would just be easier and more fun to throw another girl into the mix. So when we found out we were having a boy, I was excited... but its not what I wanted.

Someone told me when I was pregnant with Madelynn that they had hoped I was having a boy because the relationship between a boy and his momma is a special one. I never really thought anything of it at the time other than I will have a special relationship with my baby no matter what it is.... but oh my soul, this boy has stolen my heart and he can do whatever he wants with it! I already feel such a specialness between him and I. He is definitely gonna be a momma's boy. Don't get me wrong, I love both my girls to pieces and wouldn't trade them for 2 stinky ol' boys. Maybe if you have a boy you know what I am talking about.

Anyways... Stetson is still doing fan-tastic. Guess I need to catch up on here. He had a couple episodes of sleep apnea, which is where he forgets to breath while he is sleeping. It is a common thing on preemies simply because they just haven't figured all that hard stuff yet. He is ready to come home other than that. The Dr. wanted him to go 2 days without having an episode... and guess what?? He made it!!! That is if he makes it through tonight without doing it. Which I have faith that he is gonna do great!!! So there is talk that he'll be able to come home tomorrow, but there is also the chance that I will have to stay 24 hours with him in the hospital before he can come home. We won't know until the morning when the Dr. calls me. So I'm gonna be bright eyed and awaiting a phone call at 7 in the mornin. His feedings are going great. He is a little piggy.

The last night I was in the hospital, the girls were able to come up and meet Stetson. It went quite well I think. It was late and bed time for the both of them so we had a little bit of crankiness going on. Madelynn really didn't want anything to do with him at first. Once we got the bottle out and asked her to feed him, that was right up her alley and she stood there and fed him the whole thing. It was so sweet. She already is a great big sister to Payton, but I have a feeling she is going to be a little mommy to Stetson.

Payton was extremely interested in him and just stared at him just like that ^^ the whole time she reached out and touched him gently a couple of times. I'll be interested to see what she does when he gets here.

The story

**Be warned, if blood stuff grosses you out, you may not wanna know what I'm fixing to tell you.

Lets see, Thursday night, Nat and I had just talked and I was so excited that he was gonna be coming home the next day after he got off work so I could not go to sleep. So I tossed and turned for a good while and I FINALLY fell asleep around 1 or so. Then at 3:30, I was awakened by a strange sensation.. one I had when I went into labor with Madelynn, my water had broke... so I thought. I got up and ran to the bathroom and immediately looked down to see that it was not water leaking, it was blood. A lot of it and it was coming very fast......

Now to take you back 2 weeks prior to this, I had had another bleeding episode.. one that I thought was terrible awful... little did I know that it could be worse. I was put in the hospital and found out that I had placenta previa. While in the hospital the Dr. told me not to be alarmed if I had another bleeding episode so I always had that in the back of my mind. I thought tho, that if I took bedrest 100% serious and I did not do anything to irritate the placenta that I would be good to go. I was wrong!

I cannot even begin to tell you how much blood was pouring out of me . It was very scary. I called my mom on the phone and told her what had happened and that we needed to go to the hospital NOW. I waited for the blood to slow down enought that I could change my clothes and get to the hospital.. but it never did so I wrapped a full size bath towel around myself and put some shorts on over it and the blood immediately soaked through it. At this point I am totally panicking and thinking that at any given monent I am going to die from blood loss. I kissed my girls goodbye and headed to the car. My parents drove me to the hospital at 90 mph. On the way, I finally had the opportunity to call Nat, (who was stil in New Mexico.) We got to the hospital and everyone was trying to stay calm and keep things calm for my sake... but it didn't help. I knew that what was happening was serious and that they had to work urgently... while at the same time try and act like this is not so serious. Finally they came in and said to prep me for surgery. The anasthesiologist (sp??) talked to me and said that they would have to put me under completely because they did not know how much blood I had lost at this point. I was totally fine with that. Whatever needs to be done to keep me and the baby safe is what I wanted. They took me back to the O.R. and everything was busy and rushing and talk was serious and next thing I knew, they were waking me up and telling me that I had a little boy. It was all over with!!! I was alive, little boy was alive and doing well. Nat finally made it to the hospital around 8, right about when I was waking up. Luckily he did not miss much. He wouldn't have been able to go back with me for the c-section because I was not gonna be awake for it.

Stetson is just perfect and is doing wonderful!! The Dr. told us that he absolutely could not be doing any better given the circumstances. Everyone is extremely impressed with him. He did get an IV because when he was born, his blood sugar dropped a little but he got it taken out today. Dr. Wehner, which is his pediatrician, will see him in the morning and from there we will know more. I guess the on call Dr.'s over the weekends don't wanna make the ultimate decision on when he will go home and all that good stuff. Did I mention he is kinda cute too?? He looks a lot like Madelynn did when she was born.

Nat's first time to see his little boy.

They waited for Nat to give him his first bath.

handsome boy

Presenting.........

Stetson James Rose
August 6, 2010
4:41 a.m.
5 lb. 11 oz
17 3/4 in long
Helthy and Perfect
... and 5 weeks early


Now we all knew this little guy wasn't gonna have a calm, quiet, easy going entrance into this world....

Sometime soon I'll get on here and tell you all about it. For now, I must get some sleep!!!!!!!

Dentist

Madelynn had her first little dentist appointment today. She only has 12 teeth so I haven't really felt the need to jump on the dentistry band-wagon just yet. But she has been complaining of her teeth hurting ever so often, and every time I brush them, her gums bleed. So I asked the Dr. about that at her check up the other day and he tested her for a clotting dis-order which all came back normal so I thought we should take the next step and go ahead and take her to see the dentist. My mom took her so I am just relaying the message.. but he basically said that her teeth look great and to keep up with whatever were doing! As far as the bleeding, he said stuff just isn't "settled" just yet so it is normal for her to complain that her teeth are hurting and for them to bleed because stuff is still settling. Good to know!! I was really nervous he was gonna say that her teeth were just awful and they were all gonna fall out of her head. Silly mom thinking.

If there is one thing I dis-like its when people talk about something in their life, on a blog, or on facebook and then just stop one day and your left hanging, and wondering what ever happened of that. Ever felt that way?? Anyways, so with that I realize that I talked about my cake class, and showed you my cakes and then just stopped and never told you about other classes. So maybe you've wondered about it... or probably your not like me and have not thought twice about it... but so I don't do what bothers me, I shall tell you about my cake class. The 3rd class day was a busy, busy day. I was getting everything ready for our trip, plus had to get everything ready for my cake class so I was really really tired once it came time for my class that evening. I'll admit it, I was totally not there mentally. Probably couldn't tell you one thing that she talked about. I did my thing, and decorated a couple of my cupcakes, never took a picture cuz I thought they looked awful, everyone got mad at me for that, and I now regret it. The last class I was not able to go to due to bed rest so that was kinda a bummer that I didn't get to finish out the class... but Im not giving up on it. I won't be making any cakes anytime in the near future.. but once this baby is born I do wanna possibly take more classes and definitely wanna make more cakes. I really enjoyed it!!

and in closing....

I can't even begin to tell you how much I am missing this guy. It is so strange to be apart and to not know what is going on every second of his day. Not to sound like a stalker wife, but thats all we have ever known!! We talk all throughout the day and see each other every evening since the day we got married.. and here we are going on 9 days without seeing one another. The silly little things I told him I wouldn't miss about him, I miss so much!!! I miss his smell, miss his big strong arms, miss his sarcastic-ness. Sorry to be so.... mushy, but man this is hard to be away from him!!!! Hopefully he'll be here Friday night... but if not, he'll for sure be here Saturday. I can't wait to give him a big fat hug!!!!!

34 weeks

I like Sundays because it means that I have made it another week. Another week closer to being done!!! I have been on bed rest for a week now.... and it goes a little something like this: Wake up, eat breakfast, sit on the couch, read a book, watch TV for a bit, *highlight of my day* get up and take a shower, get on the computer for a bit, lunch........ and repeat. All day long. Add to that can't pick up your ailing child who just fell and hurt herself. Can't pick up your child period. Can't do your laundry, can't make your bed, can't vacuum. I'm not complaining.. just stating the facts, and sometimes you gotta do stuff like state the facts when all you can do is sit. Keep your mind goin. Know what I mean??

Anyways... so I have a confession to make and its one of those things that you wanna remember about being pregnant so I gotta write it down. Lucky you, you get to read all about it. I have the craving to...... are you ready for this??......... smell shoes!!!!!!!!!!! Have you ever heard of such a thing?!? I remember reading when I was pregnant with Madelynn that some women crave strange things, like eating chalk... and I'm wondering if smelling shoes was on the list. Its the most absurd thing I have ever felt in my life. I could seriously sit in a closet and smell shoes all day long. I'm terribly sorry you had to hear about this... and I hope I haven't lost everyone.

I packed up my camera battery charger and my battery has officially died, so I guess I won't have pictured to post. I did order one on Ebay so whenever that gets here, I'll be able to post pics!

and a Nat update for the post. He made it to New Mexico yesterday and is still having a great time. The guy that is training him for these first couple of days invited him to go to church with him and Nat really, really enjoyed it. Seems like a pretty neat church. Today is his first day that he'll actually be doing hands on work with all that he is learning. I can tell that it is going to take a bit for me to fully understand this job. Its pretty much all computer stuff... and if you knew Nat you might be laughing right now. lol. :) No, its definitely stuff that he will learn and become a genius about. He may be a goofball when it comes to computers, but on top of being a goof ball, he is the fastest learning, best at what he does kinda guy so I know that he is going to do awesome!!! I can already tell that he has learned so much. The job itself is an amazing one. Nat has never had a job that offered anything, so for him to move to a job where we'll all get full benefits.. plus sooooo many other perks is pretty awesome and such an answered prayer!! Its like all the worries are wiped away. I know that that is a burden lifted off of him for sure. Not to mention he will be making over double than what he has made in the 3 years we have been married. Its not even about the money either, but that is just another plus. Keep praying for him! I think that now that he is on is own and away from his friends that he was with in CO, he is a little lonelier and missing us a little more. One more week and we'll get to see him!! I can't wait!!!!

2 year check-up and an update.

**Scroll down if you missed the vacation blog**

Madelynn had her 2 year check up yesterday and she is right on track. Dr Wehner was impressed with her talking and the fact that she is potty trained. She weighed in at a whopping 24 lbs. No doubt she is a little girl. She was in the 25th percentile for everything. All in all, she is perfect! She had to get 2 shots and get her blood drawn so that aspect of it wasn't fun but she did pretty well. Once it was over, she was pretty much over it. She did great. I am so proud of the little girl she has become.

-She is talking so well and expressing herself. Putting 3 and 4 words together, tells us when she wants or needs something.

-She loves to 'gump' (jump)

-She has done well without having her daddy here. She has a lot to keep her from thinking about him which makes it easier on me cuz I don't know what I'll do the day that she cries for him and he wont be here.

-Loves her little sister to pieces.

-Knows where her bubba is and seems like she might slightly know that there is something going on with my growing stomach and us calling it "bubba"

-Still loves Toy Story, but is slowly getting un-obsessed with it.

-Loves to watch movies. Jungle book, Nemo, and The Incredibles are big ones right now.

-Is potty trained (YEA!!!!!)

I saw my Dr. the other day and she pretty much just said the same thing Dr. Sutliff (who was on call this weekend while I was in the hospital) said. Complete bed rest till the baby is born. She will be glad if I can make it to 37 weeks. She also said that I lost so much blood that if this happens again, I will likely have to have a blood transfusion, which those are scary words... not words I wanted to hear. But, praise God, my blood count stayed up for the amount that I lost. Basically this is all going to be a wait and see thing, and every second that he is in there counts right now!!

When we found out we were having a boy, I convinced Nat that we should sell all of our "old" baby stuff and start over brand new. So we did just that... and with all this going on with me, and not knowing when or if Stetson would be here anytime soon, I have got on the ball with getting all the fun baby stuff that we all look forward to with a new baby. Of course its not as fun sitting on the couch doing online shopping as it would be to go out and to look, and feel and decided what you want. I didn't want to spend the hundreds of dollars on a new swing that would be huge and take up tons of space and that he may or may not like... And another chunk of money on a bouncer because lets face it, you really can't live without one of those (at least I couldn't with my girls). So I found this perfect solution! It is exactly what I wanted for him. Something small, that I could put him in while he was a newborn and not worry about him slouching, or falling out... and it would swing and vibrate, all the while serving the helpful purpose of a bouncer that can be taken from room to room.

I am so glad I found it! I was beginning to think what I wanted was not out there. I got some more stuff ordered that we needed and Kinsey is going to help me make a bumper pad for the crib. Its just a matter of someone going to the store for me and getting the fabric and stuff we need.

Speaking of that.. have you ever had to depend on someone to go to the store for you. It really sucks. Sure, if Nat were here, he would just go when I needed him to... but to sit around and wait for someone to mention they need to go to the store so you can have some deodorant really is not ideal. I don't wanna ask people to make a special trip just for me cuz really, who wants to do that... especially when they have had a day filled with there own responsibilities AND my children. Its really frustrating. I so badly wanna get in the car and go to the store and get my list of stuff I need. Grr... as you can tell, I am not liking this one bit. I feel like I am letting people down. Mostly my girls. What if they don't see me as their momma, what if they start to think other care takers are there mom?? What if they think I have failed them because I can't pick them up?? What happens when this is all over?? Will I have to earn back my mom-ness in their eyes?? Will they think of me the same as I sit on the chair across the room while someone else holds them while they have to get shots? I hope that things won't change like I feel like they will, but I can't help but to wonder how this affects a 1 and a 2 year old.. not even mentioning the fact that there daddy has mysteriously disappeared . I hope that they understand that I have the responsibility to take care of their brother right now, and only their brother. Please pray for them. They seem to be adjusting well to being away from me a lot.. heck, they probably haven't thought twice about it. I am grateful for so many family members that are more than willing to help us right now, and for the fact that my girls love them.

Anyways... I know I am rambling but just wanted to give an update on Nat real quick. Lots and lots of people are asking me about him. He is have a BLAST!!!!!!! He is with 3 other guys for the week and he says it seems like they have all been best buds since the beginning of time. They all get along great and he said they just laugh and laugh when they are together. I am so grateful! I was worried he would leave us and have to sit around in his spare time thinking about us (HA!) We haven't even got to talk a whole lot because he is running to go do something with the guys. I wouldn't have it any other way tho. The work aspect of it is also going well. They are mostly just doing safety training all week and learning and taking in A LOT of information. He is very happy and really thinks that he is going to like this job. He will fly out on Saturday and go to New Mexico and as far as I know, start work on Sunday. He was able to find out when his days off were going to be so there is and end in sight and we will hopefully be able to see him Aug 7. So not to terribly much longer.

Mini Vacation

For the girls birthdays, we both agreed that they did not NEED anything in life so we decided to take the money we would buy them a gift with and put it towards a little get away before Nat left. So we did just that and headed to the big, exciting town of Abilene. I know what your thinkin... how can you make a vacation outta Abilene?!?! Well we did. We had a really great time. It was stressful at times with Madelynn totally regressing in the potty training area... and a lot of lack of sleep melt downs from the both of them. Looking back now, I wouldn't have traded it for the world!

Here we go!!

We turned Payton around for the trip and she LOVED it.

Almost there!

We spent the first day just doing leisurely things, we ate at the best place known to man kind, Cracker Barrel, then headed to Wal Mart for stuff that we (Nat) forgot. Then to the hotel for some swimmin!! Madelynn did so good with her little floaties. She did not like it when Nat would let her go but the couple of times we really encouraged her to let go, she did awesome kicking her feet and arms. Payton was just as content as could be sittin in her little tube. At Madelynns request, we ordered pizza in for dinner. Is there anything more fun than pizza in a hotel room?!?

Concentrating hard at her game.

Paytons teeth are coming in all sorts of weird. You can see here that she only has one on top. All in all, she has 6 teeth.. she almost has as many teeth as Madelynn does.

way to go Madelynn!!

Don't mind Nats severe farmers tan...

Thursday, we got up and headed to the zoo. All in all it was a good day. We had no accidents, which if you knew how many she had had at this point in the trip, you would be applauding this fact. It was very very hot outside.. almost to hot. The Abilene zoo is the perfect size for little ones. Only took a few hours to get through the whole thing, not to much to do, but not to little. It was great. Madelynn enjoyed feeding the giraffes and loved the zebras. Paytons favorite part was when we let her get outta the stroller and walk around while we took a break. She is finally getting to where she will walk in shoes so we can let her get down and walk in public. Little turkey, she is not a shoe girl like her sister was. Then we went back to our hotel for a much needed nap.

All ready for the zoo. Madelynn kept the hat on all morning before we got to the zoo... then when we got there, she took it off.

She really, really liked the snakes and lizards.

Payton was soo weirded out by this thing.

watchin the monkeys

My babies.

she is ready (and willing) to run a marathon!

silly face.

Thursday evening, we went to the (childrens part) Grace Museum. The girls had a blast!! They were both upset when we had to leave.

the girl loves to drive!!

she was a little weirded out by this guy.

Don't you hate it when you look back and all of your pictures are of only 1 of your children?!? That is the case here. This little toddler area is where the girls had so much fun... but you'll only know that Payton had a lot of fun cuz I have absolutely no pictures of Madelynn playing in here. Oops. What was I thinking!?!?

Little monkey girl.

Nat had to go in and "help" Payton not to beat up on the poor little boy. She got pretty rough him.

on Friday, we just did a little shopping. We found out that Nat was going to need to take some sneakers to CO. and all his are packed up and deep in the heart of storage so we found him some shoes. We also got Payton some new shoes. She already is in a 4 so she never even wore any of the million pairs of 3's we had for Madelynn. Madelynn is barely in a 5... and if she really needed to, could probably still squeeze into a 4. So Payton needed a pair of her own special little shoes.