In case you haven't heard...

I wrote this a couple a days ago so here ya go....

January 6, 2010

Im sitting here looking at a positive, yes I said POSITIVE pregnancy test. Shaking like a leaf, crying a few tears, wondering how on earth we are gonna do this, pay for this, afford a third child. Ya, I said in my posts that we were giving it to the Lord and his will be done.... but when you get pregnant ON BIRTH CONTROL 2 times.... God has some crazy, crazy plan for you!!! I feel like I should be coming up with every excuse in the book to tell everyone cuz people are gonna talk, and there gonna think were absolutely INSANE, and some people I'm sure will look down on us and call us careless (I guess they will have to deal with God on that one.) I cant come up with a good excuse... all I can say is I was on birth control... and it happened, that is 100% God's doings. While I haven't fully accepted this, and YES, i am absolutely freaking out, we'll take it and run with it. We'll raise this child along with its 2 sisters and we'll make a fantastic life for it.

Also.. let me clear somethin up. I am aware that in an earlier post I said that I wanted a baby... had I known I was pregnant I obviously would not have put that. But wanting a baby, and being ready for a baby are 2 totally different things!! I have wanted a baby practically since I knew what a baby was. However, being ready for a baby--- financially, physically and mindfully is something that you have to, to some extent prepare yourself for... when your doing all you can to prevent getting pregnant, and you JUST had a baby 4 months ago... the farthest thing form your mind is actually being ready for a baby. Especially since you already had quite the surprise with the 4 month old.

Now that we got that outta the way, here is the story. I was late... and just figured that I was still just abnormal from giving birth to Payton. It got later and later and I took a pregnancy test and it was negative so I waited some more and IT never came so I took a couple more pg tests and they were all negative. So I was like ok whatever, that is totally fine with me... after all, as much as I want(ed) a baby... I was soooo not ready to be pregnant and soo not ready to go through all that pregnancy junk... and there is no way in heaven we can support 3 kids financially at this moment in time... and Im just not ready so I was A-ok with a negative pregnancy test!

So more time went on and I began having some wacky, horrible, dreams... ya know, the ones that come with pregnancy??? But, I made every excuse for me to not be pregnant.

Meanwhile... my heartburn has been outta control. When I was pg with both girls, I had to take a prilosec every single day in order to function... and now that Im not (wasn't) pregnant, I can go 2-3 days wthout taking it and be fine. I had got some zantac to try something different and cheaper... and I was so mad that I was having to take one every day.. so my excuse for that one was" new brand, doesn't work... but NOT PREGNANT!!!

Another thing was carpel tunnel in my right hand/wrist/arm. I got it horribly with both girls... and all the sudden, brushing my teeth, brushing my hair, blow drying my hair, straightening my hair, washing my hair and writing was a horrendous, painful task.

I also craved bacon. I do not like bacon. I wanted it so bad the other day that I actually got some outta the fridge, fried it up, ate some and put it in every dish we were having for dinner that night. I craved nothing in particular with Madelynn and with Payton, i craved ice... and I ate ice all day long. Literally, you never saw me without a cup of ice in my hand (I am severely paying for it now with horribly sensitive teeth.) So it never really hit me --your craving something my dear self.

I have also been nauseous the past few nights... I got nauseous with both girls (but mostly Madelynn) at night in the first trimester. I made the excuse that I was up watching tv to late and thats why I was feeling sick to my stomach one night. Another night, I made the excuse that my heartburn was so bad that it was making me feel sick. Sounds good right????

Lastly of the signs.... I have been drooling outta control (gross, I know), and that is something that I only do when Im pregnant... I really had no excuse for this one. To be quite honest with you, THIS was the reason for me buying a pg test.

So I expected to wake up this morning, take the pregnancy test and it be negative, then I was gonna call my Dr. and see what I needed to do, if anything, because I was so late. It went in the whole other direction...

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Ok... so just so everyone knows... I did write this a week or so ago and things have changed and I have accepted this. Your prayers are more than welcome for our family. We are excited to see what the Lord has in store for us!!! Pray for our guidance... as going form 2 kids to 3 can be quite a drastic change... like needing bigger things to hold more people.

The baby is due August 11th-ish... and that is subject to change. and Yes, do the math and Payton will not even be 1 yet. Lord help me!