The things I DO remember.

I don't remember much about the night/morning Stetson was born. Simply because 1.) I was scared out of my mind. Literally, I was not in my mind because I was so scared. 2.) being put under anesthesia makes your mind a little foggy. and 3.) losing so much blood makes your body a little whacky. I had done a lot of re-searching about placenta previa and had read and been told horror stories about women bleeding to death. So when I woke up that morning and blood was literally flowing out of my body, like a faucet that was turned on full blast and wasn't gonna shut off. The only thing that I could think of was that I was going to die. When I walked outta my bedroom and kissed my girls goodbye, I wasn't sure if I would ever see them again. I didn't know if I would see Nat again. Not that I was being debbie downer, but honestly, there was a lot of unknowns that night and I just had to face that reality.

When I called Nat on my way to the hospital, I was upset, crying and he told me it was all gonna be alright and to be strong. Thats Nat, always looking up and being positive and thinking the best of everything. Can you imagine how he felt??? Being 4 hours away and getting a phone call that his wife was bleeding profusely and we didn't know what course this was gonna take so he couldn't just jump in his truck and head this way until he was told for sure that the bleeding was bad enough and wasn't going to stop and that the baby had to be delivered.

Everything was going a million miles an hour and once the Dr. told them to prep me for surgery, the only thing I could think of was I didn't have my camera. I am sure that my mom can attest to this. I know I asked for a camera a million times. I didn't wanna miss those first pictures that bring back so many memories.

They came in my room and wheeled my bed back to the O.R. We turned the corner and I lost it. 1.) Nat wasn't there to give me a kiss as they took me outta the room as he has done 2 times before. 2.)NAT WASN'T THERE PERIOD! (don't get me wrong, I was so thankful to have my parents there with me.) 3.)My baby was early. I prayed that he would be perfect even though he was 5 weeks early. I prayed that his lungs would be completely developed. 4.) I was gonna be completely put under so I was gonna miss that first cry. Miss that first little peek of my baby. 5.) No one was going back to the room with me. Well, sharon was in there... but she was a bit pre- occupied with her new grandbaby. :) 6.)Nat wasn't there. It was probably the worst, most gut wrenching feeling I have ever had. Turning that corner and all these things going through my mind.

I got back there and they had me move from my bed over onto that operating table. I remember the sweetest nurse that had been taking care of me. She was the one that tried to make me smile through all this. The one that made me feel like it was gonna be alright. She was helping me move over to the table and she pushed me and told me that I needed to hurry up. THAT is when I felt the seriousness of the situation and that fact that this was indeed an emergency c-section. After that, I hurried my little self onto the table. That freaked me out to no end. I laid there as they got everything ready, counted all the tools. They put the mask over my face and I remember the Dr. saying ok were ready.

Next thing I know my mom and Kinsey were in my room. I think I asked them were I was. I later was told that they showed me a video of him... but the only thing that I remember is hearing him cry. I don't know much about them being in there. I do remember it hurt so bad to swallow from the breathing tube they put down my throat and I remember them telling me how white I was from all the blood loss. They also told me that he was so beautiful and perfect. I think (but could be totally wrong) they told me how much he weighed and I couldn't believe he had weighed that much.

My mom kept coming in and telling me when Nat would be here. First it was an hour, then 30 min, then I remember her coming in and saying he would be here in 15 minutes and I kept waking up and looking at the clock. I was soooooooooooooooo anxious to see him, and to talk to him and tell him everything that had gone on. Finally he came in and it was like seeing an angel walk through the room. I hadn't seen him in 2 weeks so just to see him period was the best feeling ever. He came in and grabbed my hand and gave me a kiss and I started to tell him the whole story about what had happened. He told me that I was strong, the strongest person he had ever seen, stronger than he was... (and if you know Nat, you know that that is quiet the compliment.) He told me he was proud of me, and he thanked me for giving him 3 beautiful children. My heart swelled with pride. Its not often that Nat says stuff like that, so for him to tell me all those things was like handing me a million bucks, and I'll NEVER forget it!!

They came in and asked him if Nat wanted to go see Stetson and he left and I went back to sleep. At some point they came in and took me up to the 3rd floor, and at another point they finally brought Stetson to me. I really don't remember... but thats what pictures are for right???

there he was, in all his perfection. He was tiny and sweet. My heart was full of so many emotions. Here WE are!! We are both PERECT!! God brought us through. He answered so many prayers. So many people were up at 4 o'clock in the morning praying for us. It was overwhelming. All that I had gone through, and still to this day, every time I think about it I get tears in my eyes.

When people ask how I am doing all I can tell them is that I couldn't be doing any better, and that the whole situation could not have gone any more perfect. All glory to God!!!!!! I could have very easily been taken away from my 3 babies that night. Been taken away from my husband. But I am fully aware of the fact that God kept me here for a reason. Never take your life for granted. Thank God for each and every one of your babies, even on the bad days. Can you imagine that little terror NOT being in your life??? Just as easily as my life could have been taken, so could Stetson's have.