Peace.

Before you read:

This is about me. This is for me. So If you're here for pics of my offspring, my apologies.

When this huge job change/move happened, I was feeling optimistic about it, like this would be a great thing and that it was really God's plan for us......

Fast forward a few months after we got here and I was angry. 

Upset. 

frustrated.

Wondering WHY we were here. WHY I hadn't had this great epiphany as to why we were here. Things weren't going like I thought they would. Not 1 thing! I pretty much sat at home and pouted. Nat would work late into the night, and I was home alone all the time. I'd think of all the things we were missing back home and get more angry.... and I'd be lying if I said I didn't question God about WHY we were here. 

Deep down I knew why we were here. We, and many others, prayed for Nat to find a job to financially support our quickly growing family. I was pregnant unexpectedly with our 3rd child. We were barely making it paycheck to paycheck living in a 2 bedroom house with 2 kids.... and we just knew there would have to be a change before our little man joined us.

Once we got here, as I shared my sadness with everyone, I was encouraged by many to get out. Go to MOPs. Try to meet people.... and honestly, it upset me even more, that I wasn't the person everyone wanted me to be. I wasn't (and am still not) the type to do anything out of necessity. My bi-weekly trip to the grocery store was enough socialization for me... and I was OKAY with that. 

Me being okay with that and me knowing I needed to do something for my sanity were 2 different things.

and.... lets face it, it would take an act of God to get me, shy little, extremely introvert Mara to go do such a thing.

.... and an act of God it was!

I had looked up information about the local MOPS, learned where it was and time and such. Come to find out it was right across the street from Madelynn's school. So, one day I dropped Madelynn off and drove over and sat at the church. Just sat there and watched as moms drove up, parked, and walked into the building. I even drove off, but for some reason, something pulled me back to that parking lot... but I was NOT going to go in. I was going to do this a couple of weeks, scope it out, and then maybe decide if I could ever really do such a thing.

Now before you go laughing at what I just said, let me just give you permission to think I'm a nut case. I am. 

I really am. 

But that is literally how insanely intimidating and deathly frightening it is for me to put myself out there. 

Literally, its like I was completely put outside my body when I got out of the suburban, unbuckled my 2 kids, and started walking into the church. 

OUT.

OF.

MY.

MIND

The Lord brought me in there..... and I left not believing I had just done that. 

I went to Mcdonalds for the kids to play so we could blow some time before picking up Madelynn from school, (also another God thing... I had completely planned to go to burger king and at the very last second pulled into the turning lane to Mcd's instead) and met 2 very kind ladies who had recognized me from MOPS. One of which  was the Pastors wife of FBC Lovington, which ironically, I had just told Nat a few days before that I had wanted to visit that church. We chatted and I told them of my struggles, and I left in complete AWE of what had happened this particular day. 

150% knowing that this day was an act of God and I had NOTHING to do with anything that took place. If ever I didn't believe there was a higher Powers, this day would change my mind.

Fast forward a few months to a me who is trying and making efforts to get to know people. To talk to people I don't know. To get involved in a church. To take my kids places to play with other kids. A me who has had several play dates and ventured out doing things with my kids I would have otherwise never done. 

.... all this to say, I'm slowly but surely realizing why we are here. I feel like we needed to get away together. I needed to get out of the "normal" I was satisfied with living in San Angelo. It went in a totally different direction than what I had imagined... totally and completely different. Nat and I have had to lean on, and rely on each other, and have grown together in our relationship more the year we've been here than since we've been  married.

One word:

BLESSED.