What?!?

I'm sure you know my story by now... the story of all my kids... and how I've had a "baby" in the house for 4 years now....

and, I'm hitting a mark in my life that...

I can't comprehend...

Stetsons like officially NOT any ounce of baby anymore... 

and you know whats going through my mind?? 

Wheres the baby. I need to change a diaper... I should be fixing a bottle right now... I should be cutting up food into tiny pieces and feeding a little baby right now. 

I'm having a hard time getting out of this "baby funk" and accepting this crazy easy, awesome time in life that, although I don't think I've fully awakened to this..

I am PUMPED!!!!

Stetson is 75% potty trained... and as he sat at their little table for lunch, little boy undies on, drinking from a bottle of water (not a sippy cup) perfectly feeding himself and gobbling up his lunch... it hit me

he doesn't need me anymore.

(Well, of course he'll always need me as his momma... but you know what I mean..)

Ahh!! This is crazy bittersweet. I love it!

School Days.

Well, we are knee deep in the school year... and as I said in a previous post, we are NOT adjusting well. 

WHEW!

Take a mama and her 3 wee children who have lived by their own schedule for the past 4 years and throw in some SERIOUSLY early times that none of us have ever known in those 4 years... and there are a LOT of grouchy people. I am waiting. 

Patiently 

Very patiently for this to become our "normal." 

Between Nat and my mom, I have a ton of help getting Madelynn to and from school so it is SO nice to not have to get Payton and Stetson up early every morning. 

But, Miss Madelynn is REALLY enjoying school and even though she tells me in the mornings, her eyes don't wanna open, she still has the desire to go to school. 

I have the privilege of receiving special little texts from my mom and/or dad... and I get little clips of her day. Like her sweet little angel self sleeping at school. 

I got to go eat lunch with her and Cash.. and I look forward to many more lunches with them. ;)

She is NOT an early morning person.

but she is mighty cute. :)

How am I?? 

Oh, thanks for asking.

I'm still on the edge of being OK... Some days I'm good... and some days, like days when she asks me to walk her in... I am NOT ok. 

... and I leave worried and uptight, and nervous, and scared, and sad. 

Usually cuz she asks me to stay and it wrenches my heart to have to go.

I still deal with guilt on a daily basis... I just want to know...

IS THIS NORMAL??

I hate feeling like this... 

All the other parents walk around all hunky dory happy... and I just wanna shake them and ask:

"How are you feeling so OK??

Do you have guilt?

Why do I have guilt??

HELP!!!"

Anyways.... so ya, I'm a freak. 

I don't know if all this is cuz she is only 4... and technically doesn't have to be in school all day, 5 days a week. Or if I feel guilty, as if I am supposed to be homeschooling her. I just don't know. 

But, bottom line, she is happy. She loves it. 

Its my momma heart that is the issue...

Money- 824,989 Us- 1

As I mentioned in my previous post, we started the FPU class........

and, I've been SUPER convicted about how wrong I've been in the financial dept.. I thought I did things ok... I mean, we paid the bills each month, and they were always on time....... and then the rest is Mara's blow money....

Right??

Yep, I was 100% WRONG!!!

but... 

thats how I've done things the whole 5 years that we've been married!!!

Praise the Lord for being forgiving of my woes... and Praise the Lord that we are only 23 and 25 and we have sooo much time ahead of us to make things right!!! 

and I am SO grateful for a forgiving husband who takes me as I am and hasn't absolutely disowned me for spending all his hard earned money on senseless stuff.

Soooo with that... this week we had a rather high and unexpected veterinary bill thanks to the old Mitsy girl (who had to have surgery)... and WE PAID CASH MONEY FOR IT!!! 

Before, we would have used a credit card, or borrowed money, or have to spread it out over months of payments... 

As you can imagine, we were super pumped and it felt AWESOME to do that... so I finally feel like we are taking control of our money, and the money is not controlling ME.

I get it!

August... whaa??

Hello September, I hope that you slllooowwww our lives down!!

Holy mac!!

In August we-

-Celebrated the birth of our son.

-Celebrated the birth of our middle daughter.

-Celebrated 5 years of marriage. 

We've enjoyed Nat playing softball.

-Sent our baby girl to start school. (which we all have NOT adjusted to)

-(excitingly) Started Financial Peace University, and are (excitingly) making a drastic change to our finances.

-Sold our house

--only to devastatingly have them back out.

 -To finally decided we would try the renting thing as we continue to try and sell.

And for the past 6 days, Nat and I have been packing up the remainder of our house, and might I say it has been the longest 6 days of my life. We left the kids and were able to spend a few days in NM getting things ready to go. 

I was okay.... until I was sweeping the front porch and swept over this area... and all the memories flooded into my mind.

I sat and watched 1 last sunset in my rocking chair... and enjoyed the lovely Blue moon over the house before we took off.

I just don't know WHY must I get so emotionally attached to things?? 

After a long drive home, we had to start all over again to re-put together the house were in now with the stuff we brought from NM...

NIGHTMARE. 

I dislike moving.

I dislike packing, and un packing.

I never

ever

ever

EVER 

wanna move again.

I will live in our tiny 650 sp. ft 2 bedroom house the REST of our lives. 

Not really, give me a few more months and I'll be itching for a bigger home. ;)