Me...

In a nut shell: quiet, shy, introvert. Been that way since I can remember... and if you have ever been around me for more than 2 seconds, you can probably attest to this!! I remember the first time that I discovered I was so quiet and shy, I was in the 6th grade, we had been visiting around to some churches (we had recently moved to San Angelo) and we visited Paulann and my parents tortured me to go to Sunday School (not really.) So we went and we continued to go for many months, and eventually joined the church. These 3 really annoying girls (lol) would not stop trying to talk to me and befriend me until one day, I decided to give them a try. Little did I know that I made 3 of the best friends a girl could have.. and 2 of them happened to be homeschooled along with me. Years down the road, we were having a sleepover and they proceeded to tell me how they thought I was (literally... not even kidding) a mute! They thought I couldn't talk... for many months they thought this. They told me how our (then) SS teacher would push them and push them to talk to me and befriend me and they would tell her they tried and tried every week... but I just wouldn't give in to them. How ridiculous is that?? That is me, and that story has stuck with me ever since Jr. high.

Lord knows how I ever got a boyfriend... or even got married seeing as I never talked. Its a good thing that opposites attract cuz I had to have a talker to reel me in... and boy can he talk!

Anyways... Since I have been married and had kids, I lost a lot of friends. The only good friend I have is my SIL... and I am so thankful for her friendship!!!! Recently, I was invited to 2 social things. A group of just moms that get together and talk about mom stuff, and a book club. Ok... A- It is pure torture to associate with people I don't know. B- I cant talk in crowds.. especially if its people I dont know. C- If I am forced to talk, I turn beet red, began to sweat, my voice gets shaky, I get extremely nervous and feel like I am going to vomit. My stomach turns inside out and does back flips. I am making none of this up... it is honestly what happens and its haunted me my whole life. It is just a part of being (severely) shy. I pray every day that none of my children are as shy as I am.... and D- my husband, who is my voice, my security, the one who makes me feel ok with the way I am because he talks enough for the both of us was NOT invited. That is scary to me!! To be without him. So... I really thought long and hard about if I should go to these 2 social things and I decided that yes, regardless of what people will think of me, regardless of how torturous it is to be with people I dont know, I needed to go, get away from the kids and enjoy some time for myself and get to know people. Little did I know that I would thoroughly enjoy the time with other ladies who I have a lot in common with. I may not talk much, and people probably think that I don't even know how to talk. I honestly just love to sit and listen to people talk.. and thats what I do. If those people only knew how much their words were an encouragement to me.

I hope and pray that I can get to a point that I can talk and not be scared. For now, the first step is going out, by myself, to things like this... and I DID IT!! People have no earthly idea how hard it is to make that first step.. I am so proud of myself for just going and sitting with other ladies that I don't know. Other people can think what they want about me and how quiet I am... but if they only knew honestly what was going on inside me, they would be so very proud to.

***May this day go down in history, I said something nice and uplifting about myself. My dear husband would be so proud.

Clapping!!

This morning, the girls were just playing and I was sittin on the floor with them when I realized Payton was clapping right in front of me. When it finally dawned on me that that was new, and lets be honest, a big deal for us moms... I quickly grabbed my camera and got it. Madelynn really enjoyed showing Payton how to clap. It was a sweet moment.

Sorry that its blurry...not sure why my videos show up like that on here.

Shoe-ee

I am just writing this to remember all that is going on in our lives right now with Madelynn!! Not that she is at a milestone age, she is just doing alot developmentally right now. Madelynn is 20 months now... that means 4 more months till she is 2!!!!!!! Oh my word this can't be happening!! She cannot be that close to 2.... and my 20 month old still sucks on her paci... and we haven't even started pushing potty training.. no not me, not my child. This can't be. Never say never! I just gotta laugh at what I thought my child would be doing at the age of 2.

-Has 8 teeth, 4 straight across on bottom, and 4 straight across on top, and I felt today that her molars are coming through!! Two on the top.

-She is becoming her own little self with a teeny little attitude.

-Likes to crawl and she fake cries like baby sister to get some attention.

-Her favorite book is bible stories... we read at least 4 times a day.

-When we say our prayers at night, she bows her head, and says amen when she thinks the prayer should be over... and continues to say it until your done.

-loves, loves, LOVES shoes!! I have heard many a stories about me when I was younger and my love for shoes and how going to the shoe store was not fun with me. That is my little Madelynn! I still love shoes... I just can't and dont take the time to buy myself cute shoes for several reasons. 1) because my feet are ginormous from them growing with pregnancy... and I continue to be pregnant so they continue to grow. 2) They're extra wide.. just cuz I have very wide feet... so it is a pain in the rear to try and find myself shoes. So I don't, and I re-live my love for shoes through my daughters... hence the reason they have about 12 pairs of shoes each. Anyways... Madelynn calls shoes shoe-ee and when we get dressed in the morning, she is talking about her shoes the whole time and if you dont put her shoes on her in the morning, she throws a huge fit!!! So she wears shoes all day long.. and she picks them out.

-Knows how to use the remote and tries her hardest to get it to do what she wants to do... Usually gets frustrated and comes running to me with the remote saying uh-oh.

-She is putting words together well... her current favorite is no mommy.. not so much my current favorite.

-Does very well with a fork and a spoon.

-Decided one day that she was gonna go from the straw sippy cup (which she has used since she was 4 months old... and which I could never ever get her to transition to a real sippy cup from) since sister uses a real sippy cup.

-I think its safe to say that she officially can live off of one nap a day.

-Somedays she is mean to Payton, and some days they're the best of buds... I guess thats just part of being sisters... just didn't think it would show this early!!!

-Is getting alot better about people that aren't her parents.

-Still loves and adores her daddy.

4 months

My favorite time is when she's just got on some play clothes, and her tenny shoes with her hair pulled back in a pony tail. Of course... I love her when she's all dressed up and lookin cute... just when I see her relaxed, and playing thats the typical Madelynn in my head.

Freedom

For the past (almost) 2 days, I have been a free lady! Free to walk out the door at any given moment, not tied down by nap time. I haven't had to make a bottle, haven't had baby food spit at me, haven't made breakfast, lunch, or dinner for anyone but myself. Didnt touch the laundry in the dryer or in the hamper. Didn't wash any dishes, didn't unload the dish washer... basically I have been lazy!!!!!!!! I am so so sooooooooooooooooo thankful that my girls have 2 sets of grandparents that I can pretty much depend on at the drop of a hat.... and I don't know about ya'll... but there are some weeks where I just gotta be alone!! and someone's just gotta take my girls for a bit so we can all get back to our normal, loving selves. Anyone else ever have times like that?!?!?!

Anyways... so my girls had a sleepover at their nana and paw paw's... and when we pulled up yesterday evening and my little Madelynn was playing outside... all dirty, and stinky, I knew that she had a blast!!! There is no place that girl would rather be than outside. One thing that I always looked forward to while living out in Mertzon was letting her go outside and not worry about her... she can run and go anywhere she wants to!! Now that we live in town, she doesn't have so much freedom. She got to drive the golf cart, went down to the creek and looked for some fishies, and just enjoyed the outdoors! I so enjoyed my time alone... as boring as it was, it was nice to get out and so some shopping alone, run errands without having to lug 2 kids around. BUT... I am glad that life is back to normal today, although I do have alot of dishes and laundry to do. I'll be busy today thats for sure. Thats the way I like it.

They went to visit Granny great before they headed out to Mertzon.

Granny and Payton- now

Granny and Payton- 1 week old

One thing that Madelynn enjoyed during her outside time was swingin'!!

Dr.'s appointment

My Dr. appointment went good! Baby looked great and had a good heartbeat, 142 beats a minute. Slowest beat I ever heard... boy?!?!? Nat and I both have kinda been wantin a boy more and more. I really wouldn't care either way but the newness of a boy would be fun and exciting... not that I would know what to do with a boy, but I'm sure I can figure it out.

When I found out I was pg with this one, I immediately thought about 2 things. V-bac and breastfeeding... with Payton, I was totally against both of them. I WAS NOT ready to try to breast feed again... and I was not going to put myself through labor and all that stuff. Why I thought of trying both those things is beyond me... Well, I shouldn't say that... the only reason I considered a V-bac was because I had done some reading on c-sections and v-bacs and it never once occurred to me that a c-section IS a major surgery, and there IS a limit to how many one can have. So with that thought, I was like I totally would hate to put a limit on how many kids I can have.

Anyways.. since its not even been a year since I had P and the scar didn't have time to fully heal the first time around.. and especially not the 2nd time around, I pretty much knew what the answer would be.... I still had to ask... and my thoughts were correct. So with that answer, I asked how many c-sections can one have? She said that the max that they like to do, and they encourage the person to have their tubes tied after 4! When she said that, my stomach kinda turned a little because a- I dont really wanna put a limit on the amount of kids I can have, and b- I do know that we probably wanted more than 4 kids, and c- I'm already at 3!!!!!!!!! But, at the same time, I can totally settle for 4. And of course, if I do end up having more than 4... the kids gotta come out somehow right??? Its not like they can turn me down. We'll see what happens. Anyways... so thats that. We will go in on April 26 to find out the sex of the baby. (maybe... PLEASE????) I hope anyways.

7 Months

My little Payton is 7 months old. She is more and more fun every day!!

-20 lbs.

-switched to her big girl carseat

-Loves to sit and plays by herself ... or with big sister.

-eats 3 meals a day

-Has tried real food... BUT, still chokes ALOT... not sure if we'll ever be on table foods with this girl.

-Loves to do her sippy cup by herself, cries when you take it away from her.

- 6 oz. bottles (still LOVES those bottles)

-size 12 mths clothes. (she is wearing stuff Madelynn didn't wear till she was 1!!)

-Still wakes up once or twice for bottle in the middle of the night. (I don't think I'll ever sleep through the night!!!!!)

-She is still just as happy as she ever has been. Loves life and is full of it.

-Fell off mom and dads bed.. oops, no more napping there.

-Still has crazy hair!! but it is growing and getting darker.

-she is her momma's girl!!!!!

and she is just so beautiful with those big 'ol blue eyes.

We are so thankful that God chose to bless us with this little baby girl. Crazy as our life is.. I wouldn't trade her for the world!!

Also today, I am 15 weeks. This pregnancy is flying by... and I am a-ok with that!! I go to the Dr. In the morin and I'm excited to see this little baby. Feeling this little guy/gal more and more!!! I love it.

FOOD!

Oh my GOSH!!! I am seriously in a bad place in life right now. All I think about is food. I want to sleep with food, I wanna clean with food, I want to eat food all day long, I wanna BE food. (Please, dont worry about me, I'll be ok.) This pregnancy is outta control!!!!!!!! I go to bed thinking about food. I wake up thinking about food... and its not like healthy food, its like big, fat, juicy cheeseburgers, and pizza. It is so hard for me to write this post due to the fact that I am more than likely going to have to fulfill my cravings at the end of this... if I make it to the end that is. I'm already like shaking and my mouth is salivating from this little bit I wrote... not even kidding. Please don't judge, this whole pregnancy thing can do some wacky things to you. So I must write it down to remember this crazy time in my life.

Wanna know what I think about when I am eating??? Of course you do, cuz your here. You know Remi on Ratatouille??? At the beginning of the movie when he is talking to his brother (I think) about foods and the sparks are flying and all the beautiful colors fill his mind and he just soaks in his passion for foods... Thats me, eating a nice big 'ol juicy cheeseburger with lettuce, onion, pickles, ketchup and mustard. Oh its beautiful and it makes me feel so joyful inside. On top of this CRAZY obsession I am having with food... my stomach is a bottomless pit! It growls and gurgles all day long. I for the most part, unless I absolutely, positively can't control myself at the moment, just stick to my normal eating habbits and not give into the hunger.. which means I suffer all day long feeling like I am starving to death... but in all reality, I'm not. It has been hard. It has driven me nuts. It has turned me into a crazy person. I really REALLY hope that this doesn't last the whole pregnancy because I will be a humongous elephant when this is all said and done. I only gained 20 lbs. with Madelynn and lost most of it with the birth.. never really had a chance to lose the rest before I got PG again. I only gained 10 lbs with Payton and I lost all of it when she was born. So I am really hoping that I can keep the weight gain down to a minimum like I did with the girls... Im just not so sure that its gonna happen.

Off to get a cheeseburger cuz I can't control myself at the moment,

crazy pregnant lady

New Stuff

Apart from our new suburban that we are totally LOVING!!! We got Madelynn a new little fun toy. Nat spotted this in Wal Mart a few months back and has wanted to get one for her ever since then. We both thought that she would totally love it but she has kinda surprised us. I am hoping that when she gets a little older, she will enjoy it more.

I have an adorable video of her first ride, but for some reason it won't upload. Sorry.

We also had to get Ms. Payton a BIG girl car seat. She had just about outgrown the infant carrier. Technically Madelynn could still be in it... and with Payton right behind her in the weight area, we thought she would probably just be more comfortable in a car seat with more room... one where her head wasn't at the tippy top of it, and one where her feet weren't hangin out of it. They have totally loved being next to each other and now being able to see each other, they just giggle and laugh. I love it. We are infant carrier free for a few short months.

Pregnancy

I thought I would give a little update on this PGnancy... just in case you wanted to know... I am 14 weeks today Which means I'm officially in the second trimester. Hallelujah, Praise the Lord, thank you Jesus. I am totally praying that these next few weeks, all the wonderfulness of the second trimester will just hit me like a ton of bricks... I am ready to feel refreshed and have some energy... With both girls, I remember getting a little more life back in me. I could definitely use it now more than ever... and my poor husband can probably attest to this. Poor guy is married to an emotional, been pregnant 3 years in a row, basket case, overly hormonal lady. Anyways.. I am starting to be able to feel little "flutters" from this little bambino and its so wonderful!! This is definitely the earliest I have been able to feel a baby move... I guess by the 3rd one you could be considered a pro??? I have also been feeling... bigger. When I wake up in the morining (not sure if you other ladies who have had kids ever felt this way???) is when I feel it the most. Like as soon as I sit up outta bed, I can just definitely tell that pop has happened.. This is also the earliest I have felt that. I go to the Dr. on the 22 for my first appt. Not so much looking forward to the monthly, bi-weekly, weekly appointments and getting blood drawn 400 times throughout the whole thing again... but I am looking forward to seein the baby when we go. I am NOT NOT NOT however, absolutely NOT looking forward to finding out the sex... I just ain't gonna get my hopes up. I would LOVE to be able to find out... but I am seriously not gonna get my hopes up.

YEA!!!

We are the proud owners of a brand new (to us) 2003 Chevy Suburban.

And I'm in love with it. It is seriously my dream car!! I knew I wanted one (when I had my own family) from the first time I drove my parents suburban when I was 15 years old. If you gave me any choice of a vehicle I could have, it would be a suburban. Well... that is a reality dream car. I do have 2 un-realistic dream cars.... a BMW and a Range Rover... but neither will fit 3 carseats across, so sorry un-realistic cars... you'll have to wait for me, maybe after my child rearing years are over???

But seriously, God is sooo amazingly good to us... sometimes I cant even stand it! It all started back when I found out I was pregnant... we knew that there would more than likely have to be a new family car bought in order to fit our growing family, but at the same time, we thought we would never in a million years be able to afford a new (when I say new, I dont mean new 2010, I mean new to us) car. So I tried everything possible to fit another car seat in my car but it just wasn't going to happen. So I gave it to the Lord and told Him that we are trusting in him that He will provide us the appropriate vehicle (even if it was a... *gulp*.... van) at the appropriate time. Totally not thinking it would be this soon!!! We drove by a... *gulp*.... van that had a fantastic price on it... almost to good to pass up so were like ya! This is it and I totally settled on the thought of driving a van... after all, I gave it to God, and I was willing to drive whatever He provided for us. Ended up calling and it was sold. We were a little disappointed, but hey... it just wasn't meant to be. So that kinda got us lookin around at all sorts of makes and models and years of vehicles.... called on several and they were all sold! Again, disappointed, but just settled with the thought of its just not the right time. So we kinda just gave it up for the time being. And then I get a text from a friend telling us about a Suburban she saw for sale... about 3 seconds after she texted me, Kinsey walked through my front door and told me that she had found a suburban for us... turned out being the same exact one!! (THANKS STEPHANIE AND KINSEY!!!!!) So I checked it out and really liked it. Longer story shorter, God provided us a buyer for my car before we even thought about putting it up for sale (THANKS TY!!!!) and it all just fell into place, like a puzzle... like God does for us time and time again. Turned out we ended up knowing the seller so that was a huge plus... Its always easier buying from someone you know, and not joe schmo walkin down the street.

Just goes to show that God really does take care of his people.

Its really true! :)

I for-see 3 car seats fittin' mighty fine in there!

TRUNK SPACE!! For the love of pete we have trunk space!!!

I am so over little cars!!! I need space, lots and lots of space!!!

and I got it!!!

I'm in love... Now we just need to take out a loan to put gas in it.

LOL.

Nat has already talked about putting a lift on it and making the exhaust louder... I am definitely ok with the latter part, little rumble of the exhaust never hurt anybody..... but Its already pretty darn high to be puttin car seats in and out and taking kids in and out.

Boys... I tell ya. I told him thats what he's got his blazer for. That can be his toy, and this can be my toy... or rather, child lugging piece of machinery.

-Girls-

I try (keyword) to get a picture of the girls together every month on the 20th-ish. Seeing as They both turn new "months" on the 20, and the 21.

This is the most recent:

Few things that come to my mind when I look at this...

1.) I have some mighty fine lookin kids if I may say so myself.

2.) They look soooooooo different!! Paytons head is so round and huge (not being rude, it runs in the Dixon family) Madelynn's is just a nice little oval shape. Payton is almost as big as Madelynn. Payton is wearing an outfit that Madelynn couldn't wear till she was one.

3.) Who says you have to smile in a picture???

4.) My little Payton is not so little anymore.... time for another one. :)

5.) Madelynn looks more like her momma, but has her daddy's itty bitty body structure. Payton looks more like her daddy, but has her momma's big boned, thick body structure.

Cousins

Growing up as an Air Force daughter kept me away from my cousins most of my life. But I often hear people talking about their cousins... never really hit me how I missed out on the cousin train (the later years of my life) until I met and married Nat who has um-teen billion cousins and how he tells me stories about all that he did with his cousins. Its fun!! and I am soooo glad that my girls (kids) will have cousins to grow up with.... BOY cousins at that. They will be the big brothers that my girls will never have. I am so excited about their future and watching them all grow up together and doing fun things together. Luckily it just so happened that I got pregnant soon after Kinsey did with both girls. So they are all within 2 years of each other.

Cash and Madelynn are 7 months apart and they are just now, at the ages of 2 and 1.5 starting to play and have fun together. Their whole life, he has always been one step ahead of her... like he would sit up, she would still be layed out on her back. He would crawl, she would sit up... and so on and so on but it seems that they have finally met up. Its been a blast watching them actually play together... something that we have waited for forever.

Cash and Madelynn. From birth to today.

Jedd and Payton are 2 months apart so we are kinda experiencing the same thing with these 2. Jedd is crawling now, and Payton just started to sit up. So they'll eventually catch up to each other and then... it will be a mad house I am sure!!

Payton and Jedd.

and here is the 4 of 'em.

Oct. 2009

March 2010

Thats a load 'o work right there!!! They're all getting so big and so beautiful. Cash is 2, Madelynn is 1.5, Jedd is 8 months and little Payton is 6 months.. and we are enjoyin every moment of this cousin business.

(please note the many shades of BRUISE on Madelynns poor head. Since her falling off the chair incident, she has had several more falling on her head incidents. Poor girl. She is just so dang clumsy.)

and here are a few outtakes:

Jedd and Pay doing the modeling thing

Jedd doing what Jedd does best.

That boy loves to eat!

its not an easy task I tell you.

I regret to inform you that I will (sadly) be doing this journey of a 3rd pregnancy all on my lonesome. :( I have tried to talk Kinsey into it... but unless some work of God occurs... It ain't gonna happen . So this poor little baby will not have a cousin match. Sorry poor little baby. (maybe that will convince her?????)